“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:15 (NIV)
‘“This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly. Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.’ When their message came to him, Joseph wept.” Genesis 50:17 (NIV)
“Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:25-27 (NIV)
“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18:15-17 (NIV)
Watching children in the church Toddler class as a new mom, I observed unforgiveness at offenses was well-entrenched in us, even as little ones. As I watched one child take toys away from another, I noticed immediate AND delayed reactions of baby retaliation. You know the kind - you take my stuffie, I take your truck, or you walk over me, I push you down. An immediate reaction I could understand, but the delayed, seemingly premeditated response in babies took me by surprise. Moreover, I began recognizing responses provoked by pride, pain, fear, and victimization. Even these little ones had unforgiveness issues!
Unfortunately, most people continue to respond to offenses with a pattern of unforgiveness. It may be delayed unforgiveness, like “three strikes and I shut you out,” or simply, “Everyone is always against me, so I won’t forgive anyone.”
Unforgiveness is like a chokehold on a chained dog. The dog can bark and growl, but it is not getting free. It is stuck right there, miserable. Unforgiveness impairs our choices, limits friendships, steals our joy, and brings us stress that increases blood pressure and opens us to disease. Coincidentally, it does not provide us with a protective defense mechanism that works. And, if it is not dealt with, it grows a root of bitterness in our souls that takes the color out of our worlds. We only see with cynical, mistrusting eyes that perceive no joy or wonder.
Neurosurgeons and psychiatrists studying brain physiology have even found literal neural roots growing down from areas of the brain in cases where unforgiveness was an emotional issue.
None of this is Jesus’ plan of abundant life for us! From Genesis onward, the Bible has commanded us to rid ourselves of unforgiveness. To be holy as He is holy (Leviticus 19:2), God has commanded us to forgive offenses before the sun goes down daily so we do not risk giving the enemy access to our souls. (Ephesians 4:25-27).
In Genesis 50:17, we read that when Israel died, the brothers, fearing Joseph’s power and possible retaliation, sent servants to say it was Joseph’s father’s dying plea that he would forgive his brothers of the treachery they had devised against Joseph. Years of life with his loving father stolen from him, rejection by his family, being sold as a slave, and being sent to an Egyptian prison hurt Joseph fiercely. Yet, his father, who loved him and his brothers, surely wanted him blessed to be free of this burden and the family reunited. Though another lie of Joseph’s brothers, these recorded words present a Biblical perspective of our Heavenly Father on forgiveness. He wants us free from the downward spiral of unforgiveness.
Ephesians 4:20-24 (NIV) admonishes us that unforgiveness “is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Forgiveness does another important thing. It releases us from holding others in judgment. We are not the appropriate ones to dole out punishment. God is, and He is the only one who knows what the consequences of His discipline will bring. Many souls have been saved, turning to Jesus because they received forgiveness from the ones they hurt. They are now brothers and sisters in Christ. Releasing His love through us may sting for a moment, but our obedience to release these souls is worth the crown to toss at Jesus’ feet when we are in Heaven.
Unfortunately, it is challenging to forgive offenses, especially if the offender is someone close to us or in Christ. The early church dealt with this, too. Matthew 18:15-17 outlines a method of Biblical confrontation to be used with Christians. You first go privately to the offender and state the issue. If a resolution is not found, you take 2-3 witnesses with you to confront. If this does not bring peace, the confronter will take it to the church leadership for assistance. The offender may be asked to leave the church if their heart is too hard to bring repentance. Clearing offenses early on can bring precious peace to all.
At Infusion Ministries, we see forgiveness is vital to receiving freedom. We ask the Holy Spirit to reveal who we have not forgiven and what the offense was. We repent of the sin of holding unforgiveness, release it to God, and ask the Lord to cleanse us. Knowing that Jesus forgave us, we choose to forgive the offense and offender by faith, trusting that our feelings will settle over time. We specifically include the way the offense made us feel. Finally, we uproot our bitterness or resentment toward the offender by renouncing our judgment. We ask the Lord to bless the offender in all good things so that he or she may receive freedom in Christ, too.
Freedom from the burden of unforgiveness can be yours, too. Follow the steps above and let the Lord cleanse you. As Paul shared with the Galatians, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1 (NIV) Freedom is a beautiful gift God wants you to have!
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